A Public Thank You

I'd like to take a moment of your time today to give thanks to a very special and positive force in our community. This American institution has given so much to those of us out on the public highways and byways of New York City that its influence cannot be understated. We can only hope that mankind as a whole comes to appreciate and emulate this generous spirit.

Therefore, and without further ado, I'd like for everyone out there to join me in giving a hardy round of appreciation to Starbucks! That's right, Starbucks Corporation (SBUX).

I hear the protests. "But, Jo-u-u-u-n," you say, "Starbucks is a corporation. An evil empire even." Well, let me tell you a little about what Starbucks has done for me and why you should love them too.

Imagine with me. . . you're on a run. It's a nice day, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping. The commuters driving up the FRD are throwing a nice breeze over to you in East River Park. You're light, you're fast, you're floating. Everything is going your way. . . UNTIL . . . sudden lower G-I tract distress! [Cue music: Dum-Dum-Duuummmm].

You see a port-a-let and make a dash, but alas it's March and the Parks Department pad-locks the port-a-lets from November to April! You continue through the park, to the East River Track. There are runners there. People use that track. Surely the bathroom is . . . Foiled again! It's 7:15 in the morning and the Parks Department keeps that bathroom locked until 8. Your run's heading down the tubes faster than Jersey! You head out of the Park, sort of run-shuffling, grunting all out of proportion to the speed you're travelling, as you clench your stomach muscles, and then you see a chance -- a McDonald's. McDonald's (MCD) is always open at 7:22 in the morning. But, McDonald's, the selfish bastards, just like the toddlers to whom they market with their insipid clown, doesn't know how to share and keeps its bathrooms locked. That means you -- dear runner with an emergency -- have to stand in a line while all sweaty and squirming and then ask some teenager for the bathroom key, with it being obvious to everyone in the shop what you're doing, why you're there, and that you're not a paying customer. No. McDonald's will not do. It will not!

Then, against all hope, another block down, the heavens open, sunlight beams through a cerulean patch of sky to illuminate a black-and-white mermaid seated in a deep green halo. You've found your answer. Starbucks. Ubiquitous. Starbucks. With its bathrooms never locked. Starbucks. Where you can dash in and dash out. Starbucks. Which often has two entrances, one placed directly across from the bathroom. This is generosity my friends. In a city like New York which has no public bathrooms because . . . well, I don't know why. Perhaps because Giuliani was afraid homeless people would live in them? But anyway, we don't, which is a huge problem if you're 6 miles into a 13 mile out-and-back and suddenly nature calls. But with Starbucks it's no problem. Starbucks is everywhere. Starbucks is open early. Starbucks doesn't lock the bathroom door.

So, everyone out there. Go today to Starbucks. Show your appreciation. Buy a coffee, or a tea, or a Decaf Grand Iced Venti Soy Skim Latte Vanilla Almond Mocha Frappuccino, light on the ice, with distilled water, diet. Give a little back because Starbucks gives so much to us.

Thank YOU Starbucks!

Week of April 30: 34.2 miles
Week of May 7: 36.3 miles